A short story

A man got into a bus and found himself sitting next to a youngster who was obviously a hippy. He was only wearing one shoe.

"You've evidently lost a shoe, son."

"No man," came the reply," I found one."

It is evident to me;
That does not mean it is true.


Adapted from The Prayer of the Frog

Esther

Hello!

Yes it is MIA claudia here.

As of right now, I am still in my hospital scrubs, and sitting here, reading all your entries and just loving all the updates and missing you guys. I have yet to bathe, I probably have half the hospital germs on me, but I really just cannot move, i feel like a lob of jelly.


So yes,I just knocked off, came home, ate a few muffins cos i was starving, watched Glee (also still in my scrubs), and now here i am. I PROMISE to bathe soon, i just can't get my butt moving.

Anyway, so, even though work has been tiring, i really enjoy my work, my colleagues, my department etc. I am left with 2.5 more weeks as a student and soon I will be officially a Registered Nurse:)

Am also looking forward to my little Mother-Daughter holiday with my mom to London and Paris!

Okay, the end of my update for the night.

Just be safe, wear seat belts in your car, and dont drink and drive. --> seen horrific cases, be safe guys. Oh and pls dont jay walk and look left and look right when crossing roads too. Road Traffic Accidents are painful, horrible, and so common here in Singapore. seen much.

be safe, eat healthy, live life, smile and enjoy your week.


CLAUD

Ivan Works a Lot

Hey everyone!

Well as you probably know I've started work, just finished my first day actually. Was pretty tiring because I didn't have a good sleep the day before, probably due to being excited or whatever.

The day was like most first days go, I suppose. A lot of administration, and a lot to adapt to. But it all went smoothly; all the paperwork, getting the pass (look ghastly in my photo again haha), all the briefings, making the rounds being introduced as the new guy, setting up of my work station...

Can't remember half the names of the people I met today, but the office atmosphere is pretty chill and the boss and colleagues are great as well. Got the cubicle right outside the boss's door so still have to be on my toes hahaha.

So yeah thank God for a hassle-free first day at work. All I need are His mercies every day to see me through.

Good news also is that my weekends seem unlikely to be touched, so yay. My boss told me straight up he's not a big fan of overtimes so my weeknights may end up being available too, if it ain't the busy period. Good to know.

ivan
***

@Esther: wow, you provide the most awesome updates. :) Cheers to the new life in Christ! yeah different people experience the Holy Spirit differently when they are filled - sometimes peace, sometimes joy, sometimes warmth, sometimes crying. Do desire greatly to be filled by the Spirit (sometimes we long-time Christians get dry and forget that) but also remember that what counts is to allow the Holy Spirit to shape your life to become more like Christ. Ultimately that is the test of the Holy Spirit: by the fruit we produce in our lives. Anyhow very encouraged by your sharing!

@Eunice: No attacks was because there were no birthdays in Feb/Mar (besides Pei Xuan) right?

@Keri: hahaha thanks

@Kenneth: keep persevering through those difficult spiritual times. sorry i haven't responded to your latest sms haha still reflecting about it. you know we're all still around if you need someone to talk to.

My experience with God today

Hellooo! :) well since I can't study I decided to blog.

Today Maween Keri and I went to Church of Our Saviour in the early morning at around 8.30 am because there was this really cool guest speaker called Patricia King. And so when it was time for the alter call, I went up because I wanted to know Jesus, and to be filled with the Holy Spirit. And as we were praying, I suddenly felt this big giant lump of emotions just swelling at my chest. It's quite indescribable because I don't really know what it was either. It wasn't sad or anything, but whatever it was, it was really overwhelming, and I just burst out crying. I didn't even know why I was crying! Haha. It really felt like something was pulling me, and at the same time stirring at my heart.
Wow even as I'm writing this, I'm thinking, did that really happen?
Maybe it was the Holy Spirit, but whatever it was, it was epic. In a cool way.

XX Esther

EUNICE SPEAKING:)

hello all! YES I MANAGED TO SIGN IN! somehow. hahaha.
anyway, i was just wondering...WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OUR ORIOLE OTTACKS! hahaha

Born Again.

Hi guys,
today as I was going home with Maween and her dad, he realised I hadn't said the sinner's prayer yet and committed my life to God. I remember saying it once with the Alpha group but back then it wasn't sincere.

So halfway while driving home, we stopped at the Holland Village car park and did a mini prayer session there.

Heeheheeehehehhehehehhehe cheers to the 'new' me! :D

esther

Single And Loving It!!!!!!!!!!

Compliments from Kerio:) You go Ivan!

I'm injured +_x

Hi

This is Kenneth reporting that he's currently on crutches and has just undergone one wisdom tooth extraction.

On Monday I fell while riding motorcycle.

We were practicing, and clocking mileage. We are supposed to ride at least 1000km before we are qualified to ride overseas. And we intend to ride overseas in a couple of months time.

We were riding around Maju Camp's 1km route say 40 times? And theres a part near warehouses where theres relatively big empty spaces to ride, maneuver.

And so foolish Kenneth decided to - this was partly for confidence and skill training and partly for fun - do some figure of 8's in the empty space. I think I was at 20-25km/h speed. Sharp turns. And unfortunately for some reason (I'm thinking my wheel was on a metal drain - less friction - at the sharpest point of a turn and I think I felt some bump) my front wheel lost its grip on the ground for a sec or so and a reflex action made me turn the bike the other way and I was able to recover balance for a while (I was trained to ride in cross country terrain) but my bike was jerky and it fell the other side. I dunno what hit what but I knew my right foot was pain. I suppose the bike slammed on my foot. The middle portion top part of my foot. I was wearing boots. But no ankle protection whatsoever. My right mirror was cracked into half. I got up after a short pause and continued riding. After one 1km we stopped riding. In two hours time I couldn't walk. I hopped or was piggy backed everywhere. You can ask Gabriel Sim, he saw me.

I went to NUH A&E at night and thankfully the X-ray showed no signs of fracture.

I was expecting a minor fracture. The pain was constantly there. I couldnt move my foot much.

The next morning I went for wisdom tooth extraction. A bit scary at first. With a somewhat stressed mood from my leg pain, I lay down at the operating bed and my body was covered with some sort of covering and my face was covered. Only my nose and mouth exposed and there was quite a bright light. Then the doctor said, "Ok its starting".

Whats starting? Felt like I was on a death bed for a moment.

But, it was ok. I'm an army boy man. Infantry Scout. Turn check "bang" check "Pain is glory" used to be what we said when we were "kelua barised". (you prolly dont understand but nvm)

A few weeks ago I went to a 2.5 day medic course. They showed us some gross pictures of people. People still alive without a nose or mouth. People with their arms ripped off and the armpit and lung area exposed. Someone who had one side of his face's flesh ripped off my the road in some motorbike accident. Sry for being explicit.

And I knew I was going to start riding motorcycle the next week. I had not ridden motorcycle for more than half a year. I dreamt that I lost balance while riding bike. Just a faint dream. But it came true. Thank God it wasn't serious.

Kenneth!

In Time This Too Shall Pass

Heyhey Oriole:)

KJ here!

Just wanted to say that exam stress has gone away and i need someone to TEACH me the whole chapter of magnetism for Physics. Anyone keen? haha. Gay etacher dont wanna teach me!

Anyway I'm not as stressed as i was previously even though my L1R5 is gonna be quite bad this term, i'm coming to accept it, OUCHY.

I hope ya'll are fine. And I saw this tatttoo and was like yeah... Soon Imma be a free bird going out by the end of next week. So yeah. Kinda sad I mucked up my Amath Exam soooo badly. I was gonna get an A1 and now I think I'm only gonna get a b3:(

I estimate my L1R5 is gonna be 18. Oh well. Thank God it isn't 20 because my parents will murder me. HAHA.

Much Loves and make everyday count!
<3
Keriiii:)

Nursing Life

Hello people,

surprise surprise!!

Well, it's been a long journey for me but my attachment in TTSH is almost over and just thought i'd share some interesting things to you guys.

You all know i havent been going to church lately thanks to my nursing job and fatigue and sickness and other excuses, etc etc. But i can say when i'm done with this, i guess i'll be seeing you guys around church more often.

Anyway, wow what can i say, nursing life really is darn interesting. Meeting all sorts of people and seeing all sorts of cases. But i'd like to share with you guys one particular case, for interest sake.

In a C-class ward (12D, the ward i was in) you'll have about 6 cubicles with 6 patient in each room. A minium of 2 staff nurse will be assign to 2 cublicles (12 patients) and yes, it's a lot of work. On a particular day, there was a shortage of nurses and i had to help out another team and had a total of 18 patients under my care. So while i was busy doing my work and stuff, a patient started having a really bad cough. We call it a smokers cough, or chronic cough. He was a trachea patient (go google it) and had cancer. His upper respiratory tract was removed, which meant his only source of breathing was the hole in his throat. He had a tube inside and stitched to keep it intact. Blood was trickling down his throat and i alerted a staff nurse (AN - Claud you noe what an AN is right? Haha), and she just said must be due to the stitches.

*cough cough* and i saw something fly, *cough cough* and when i turned, blood was everywhere. His tube was the flying object and, if i'm not wrong, it forcefully opened a hole in his throat which exposed his atrial vien. If you know your science you should know what happened next. The curtain was quickly drawn for privacy and to prevent blood from squirting to other people. By then his shirt and sarong was already soaked and there was a pool of blood forming on the floor.

Haha, okay i cannot really reviel what happened next because it's too long and will be quite confusing. But blood was really everywhere, on nurses, bed and clothes soaked with it, on curtains and even on our emergency trolley. He did managed to survive and is currently in ICU. That was one of the worst case i've seen and one of the most exciting, i also found out i work well under pressure so cheers to me. Haha.

In addition to learning nursing stuff, i also learned about politics in the ward and the basic, first impressions. They are both very important in the working world and dont get invovled in it, because i almost got kicked out of TTSH thanks to that. The only people in my ward that didnt like me was my preceptors and they were the ones who were grading me and at the same time, gossiping and sprouting lies and what not to the higher ups. But God is gracious and the patients and staff likes me there. Always encouraging me and watching my back, giving advice to help me as my preceptors werent willing to teach me. Patients were nice enough to write in complement letters for me and feedbacks in the feedback form.

So i really have to thank God in this because i almost got kicked out of a government hospital and you can imagine where my nursing life would be heading then. A meeting was called to decide if i would stay or go and that was a huge turning moment, the decision to stay or go would affect my future and what i would become. For the older people, you should know what happens when a second chance is given also right? How they watch over you and everything.

But yeah, all in all, i really enjoyed myself and i have to say this is what God has planned for me. I finished O-level not knowing where to go, but he showed me the way. I face many struggles and hardship in the hospital, but he showed me the way. I've been yelled at, screamed by patients or their family, but all i did was laugh and smile, because they were going to die soon. Haha, kidding. I just kept my patience and i really think nursing is a good place for hot-tempered people.

And i'm not implying i'm a hot tempered person.

So cheers and enjoy your studying, you'll miss it when it's gone. Oh and dont smoke.

-Johnston

Valentine's Day!

Hello Oriole happy Valentine's Day!

Wow we set an Oriole record at Botanics yesterday. 16 people! Nice.

How's my February? Well I'm moving into Phase 2 of Job Hunt, which is expanding my job search parameters a bit, haha. My account is now up and running on Careers@Gov and constantly monitoring for whatever new jobs that strike my fancy... finally got resume, referees, etc etc down pat so I don't have to scramble around filling out forms and stuff! [By the way, advice to JC, poly and uni people: please stay in touch with at least 2 of your favourite teachers / lecturers after you leave. This is important when it comes to job application. This is where I got repaid by my thank-you emails to 3 of my lecturers after I graduated, which I sent on an impulse.]

Probably as you know by now my early job applications aren't going so well: I got rejected by MFA after the grueling 2nd round assessment, while the MINDEF job process is aggravating, to put it mildly. Sending wrong emails, notifying me of stuff last minute, getting my application essay lost in the email, taking ages to reply... ugh. But it's ok. You can't expect everything to go your way. And what does it say of my faith in the Lord, if I'm put down after such a minor setback? I know things will work out the way He wants it to.

See you guys this Saturday! :)

- Ivan -

***

To Kenneth,

Are you going to give me back "Loving God with all your mind" first? You seem to have a long list of reading ahead hahahaha.

Growing Deep in Faith is good stuff and easy reading. As for CS Lewis, besides Narnia his easiest book is probably Screwtape Letters, might be an easier book to pick up first. Four Loves has been on my bookshelf for a LONG time. I haven't read it.

In short, I like your reading list.

It took me a long time to get around to it, but I'm finally reading the modern Christian classic The Celebration of Discipline, by Richard Foster. Seriously the best book for the current season of my life.

Finally, to respond to your other post:
"Human choices do not and cannot alter God's action or his plan".

Are you so sure about that? I actually think we can, you know. Not God's overall plan for the world or His ultimate plan for salvation, but I think whether we repent, how we pray, etc. has led God to change His mind before. How about Moses' plea after the people burnt the golden calf, or the city of Nineveh repenting to avoid destruction?

Of course, this does not detract from God's overall sovereignty, which I definitely agree with.

Human Choices and God's Sovereignty

Human choices are real and have consequences.

God works through human choices.

Human choices do not and cannot alter God's action or his plan.

God does not approve evil but may use it to further his ultimate plan of salvation and judgement for the world.

We are foolish to think we can thwart God.

Wisdom is shown in acting according to God's principles.

Kenneth

Hey, actually I'm just posting to keep this blog going.

Someone post! I don't want to dominate this blog.

Keri and Ivan, I read your blogs btw.

Keri jia you for your studies! I can try helping you with math (I'll need a refresher for Amath) and physics stuff if you need. Yew Gin also.

My emotional (or spiritual?) well-being is stabilising. In my last few posts, I was scared of what will happen. I felt I was in an epic spiritual battle.

I used to be one of the most emo and sad ppl (last year) in my platoon. Now I think I'm one of the happier and positive ones. :) Yay!

I was supposed to get only one day off (this Friday) for burning the whole CNY in the airport. But I requested for another day off and we got it! So I'm off today and tomorrow.

But I was home the whole day today. I kept thinking, what should I do today? I wished to go out much but didn't know who I could go out with. So I didn't.

I got bored and felt down and troubled for a while...

Sometimes I can just get so quiet. And I hate it. I don't understand it.

Friendship is something key I want to invest my free time in army in. I need to. I'll be more busy with work in Uni later on.

Yesterday there was a small CNY celebration in Army. Surprisingly, all of us were given steamboat and "Lo Hei" to enjoy in Maju Camp. They put tables and chairs on the parade square and we were dressed in civilian clothing (shirt, jeans, belt) and we ate there. As we cooked the food, we were being cooked as well, by the scorching sun.

After that we went to some one-room flats for the elderly at Bukit Merah to give them some basic food like Milo, oranges. Felt weird. Its not a Church event.

In the evening I went to celebrate my Grandma's birthday. Thinking about it now, I think its the first time I ever did go and joined my Grandma's birthday celebration. As far as I can remember. My brother Keith and I went, my parents didn't go. And it was great. To me, it was a great time.

Next week I'm going (Tue - Thu) for some Medic course. I have to poke and get poked by a needle >.< (injection simulation).

The last week of Feb, I'm going to practice riding Motorcycle in army. I haven't rode since I passed out from driving course.

I'm going to take out my wisdom tooth (one side) on Tuesday, 1st March. I'll be on MC the rest of the week.

I'm going to either Taiwan or Thailand in June-July period.

I want to get a guitar. I know nuts about it but I'm probably going to get one. I can practice in my army bunk. (The bunk is the room with beds and cupboards for soldiers to stay in)

What guitar should I get?

I'm going to talk about books.

I read slowly and may have some mild reading disability but now I got a whole lot of (mostly) Christian books to read now.

I wasn't a reader. I only started after JC. When there was time.

Recently I kept getting stuck in this profound book "The Four Loves" by C.S. Lewis. I gave up.

I just started reading "Growing Deep in Faith" by Edmund Chan.

This is what I've got:

"The Conscience",

"Lord, I want to be Whole",

"The Reason for God",

"Loving God with all your Mind",

"The Pursuit of Holiness"

"Mentoring Paradigms"

"3096 Days" (by Natascha Kampusch)

"The Jesus I never knew"

"Building Left-Brain Power"

and my Devotional book: "My Utmost for His Highest"

(some Older Books I borrowed)

The whole Narnia Series

"Pray in the Spirit"

"Your Mind Matters"

" The Christian Family"

"The God who loves you" (an easier "replacement" for "The Four Loves")

"The Problem of Pain"

I also want to read "Surprised by Joy" and "The Screwtape Letters" (both by C.S. Lewis), "To Kill a Mockingbird" and some book like "Unlocking the Bible" which gives brief understanding to every book in the Bible.

So far the book (other than the Bible) most influential to my Christian ideas or knowledge of God is:

"Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis.

That made me a C.S. Lewis fan =p

The book that convicted me the most (maybe because I read that book during that time, somewhere in the middle of last year - thanks Claudia for lending it to me) is:

"Secondhand Jesus" by Glenn Packiam

Actually, "Manga Messiah" and "Manga Metamorphosis" convicted me a lot also. I remember times I couldn't help but cry (tear) reading those books. I think I learnt profound things in those seemingly simple books by actively putting myself in Jesus' and Paul's shoes.

The one book I constantly use for comfort:

"The Power of a Praying Teen" by Stormie Omartian.

Cheers

Kenneth :)

VERY VERY BERRY IMPORTANT FOR ALL ORIOLE-IANS

Dear Oriole,

THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT POST, lots of update to be done so please read everything here okay!

1. Coming Sunday 13th Feb JYM is having a Valentine's Day special, everyone going to Botanics for games and fun. So let's go as a group, have fun in the sun, bring extra towel, change of clothes etc.. Get ready for action and little mess! PLS BE A SPORT K! dont pon ah cos got sun/fun/mess hahaha. reach St George's usual by 2pm, we leave from St George's okay!

2. Valentine's day packing of flowers/bouquets. if you are free on Saturday morning lemme know! i dont really know the exact time, am guessing like 10 am onwards, to help pack bouquets for our Vday Church Rebuilding Project fundraising project where we are delivering flowers to ppl who ordered within church the next day on Sunday.

3. Reminder to those who came today 6th Feb, to BUY YOUR PRESENT for Secret Valentine. those who didn't come (eg. esther, keri, meena, johnston) you guys shiok lor, haha someone will buy a present for you. NAH all is good, just come okay! remember budget is between 0-5 bucks.

4. ORIOLE MEMORY VERSE
OKAY this is VERY IMPORTANT. We (eunice, ivan, tim, myself) have a preliminary brainstorm and draft of a WONDERFUL skit for our Oriole MV which is due 5 March. So all we need getting done is to act and film everything. it is a very exciting and yet elaborate skit which involves the group and everyone:) everyone is a star. haha. so we need to get down to filming it ASAP and also we dont want to stress our camera guy Tim out so we want to give him enough runway time to do all the editing and stuff.

so i propose 19 Feb Saturday, we take out like Saturday MORNING and AFTERNOON to film? we CAN do it since we are all seasoned actors and super professional. haha. we can film within a day.
19 FEB can?

PLS PLS sms me at 91388428/ or reply via comments or your blog post k...

5. Get ready to pay Oriole Fund for Feb (yes i still owe Jan's fund)

6. Lunch ppl --> Ivan, Eunice, Tim, Hanna, Kenneth, Claudia --> pls get ready to pay for Feb's lunch to Sharlene! :)

THANK YOU!

PLs ah, respond k regarding 19th FEB :) or if you can help with bouquet making..

CLAUD

Airport Duty X_X

I'm craving to socialisezzz.

I think I'll go to SERVE tomorrow. (for one session)

Sometimes I have excess energy and sometimes I lack energy.

Wish I had some good friends I can go out with anytime I want...

For 4 days I'd been stuck in Changi Airport.

I spent long hours stuck in one small room with 3 other guys, when I'm not on patrol.

Ok Geez I think I'm revealing a bit too much. I'm not supposed to. Confidential.

The first day was okay. I guess I can say it was cozy and I got to know 2 more people better.

I bought some book about the brain to read in Changi and so I read it.

And you know, reading about how a Baby is so attracted to his mother's voice, how people's eyes' tend to dilate when they see someone they find attractive (and in turn the person who looks at the dilated eyes also tends to find the person looking at him/her more attractive), how our eye direction and stuff reveal emotional states, our mind's ability to infer the thoughts of others - theory of the mind so that we can communicate with people --- made me think of girls more..

Ahhhh I dont know why I'm revealing this but I've been thinking about girls a lot recently, for no apparent reason. And its a negative thing more than positive. "Negative energy"

The second day (last friday) I was BoReD. We count down the time when we're inside the room.

After a while my boredom got deeper. Like some "sharp" or "intense" boredom. Like Emptiness. Sianz. It feels like shit. It cripples my faith/confidence in the Lord and in myself. Its extremely hard to stay positive during that period. I think normal people rarely experience this but I do occasionally. I was probably more vulnerable to it after that stupid "mental attack" a few days back.

Hm since much of what I write here in this blog has been about my walk with God, and I feel a bit uncomfortable about it, I shall say this. This negativity. A few days ago - in Changi - after doing my devotions I thought, how desperate should we be in seeking God? I thought if anyone befriend's me and gets close to me that person would think I'm a bit weird/crazy (because they dont know the depth of my pain)...

--- Aiya, I hope you're not judging me for that. My sense of what's personal and what's not doesn't work well sometimes, like in the state of mind I'm in when I'm writing in this blog. I usually dont take into account much how people will take it reading what I write. And some of my army friends may have discovered the URL of this blog since one time I went to blog while playing LAN ---

The goodness of seeking God I get in my life does not seem to match up to that said in scripture.

I felt unsettled for a while. About how my whole walk with God was going. Not at peace. But now I am at peace. In all things God works for the good of those who love him! (Romans 8:28)

Hmm now I'm thinking what I should censor saying here because of the younger ones...

Since JYM camp there's this battle going on in my mind. I've been stuffing myself with scripture.

Its like a roller coaster ride where every few days it changes. First I'm winning, then I'm losing, then I'm winning, then I'm losing...

I'm holding on to Ephesians 6:10-20 about the Armour of God.

I'm going back to Changi again, tomorrow evening. Coming out on Sat night. I'll be burning the whole CNY. :(

But I'm cool with it. See you all next Sunday. I'll be looking forward to Sunday.

Btw theres one draft in this blog that has been a draft for quite some time.

Eunice I read it already heh.

Kenneth

Romans 8:37

WAH kenneth:) active blogger eh?

Guess what, this semester i have been learning about Psychiatric Nursing. And so we are learning ALL ABOUT mental health and illnesses. VERY VERY INTERESTING!

other than that, it is a crazy semester, but i really thank God for just day to day moments God placing ppl into my life:) makes it whole lot easier.

LAUGH. i love to laugh, and i realise during times of intense stress, deadlines, or just tiredness, LAUGHING is the way to go. funny thing is i have found myself laughing with/at ppl who are not say very close to me in school, laughing with bunch of hilarious friends and company. LAUGH.

Oriole, LAUGHING helps:)

Laugh at yourself too!

Meanwhile, pls remember this Sunday we are giving Hampers at the Block 1 residences at Holland V. Meet at Blk 1 itself okay, say about 2pm (along with JYM)? opposite cold storage i think. Our dear Pei Xuan is joining us:)

CLAUD

CLAUD

A moment of acute Psychological pain

I'm down again. I just got a "mental attack". I'm going to openly say that I go through this occasionally. Just now for a moment I didn't feel like living... I felt specifically that, in the midst of the torment that was going on in my mind. For a moment, I felt a sharp sense of loneliness as well.

Its scary how I get these mood swings...and these specific periods of chaos and darkness in my mind.

I find it extremely difficult to describe in a logical way. I can't relate it much to common experiences we go through. Here is a more intense version of what I went through just now: http://oak08.blogspot.com/2009/08/pain.html

It doesn't all end when the "mental attack" is over. When the attack ends, I'm left weak and vulnerable. The stench of the horror of the attack lingers on for a long time, days or weeks.

Some people may think I put much effort into reading God's word or something to do with obeying God. At least thats what I sometimes get in Christmas cards.

I have to say that its not natural. The main motivation for me in disciplining myself to keep in tune with God is the relief from deep suffering. The overwhelming weight, uncontrollability and irrepressibility of the suffering constantly compels me to seek God.

Actually for this attack I can share what thoughts I had that probably led to that "mental attack" but I find it too personal to disclose... some of it.

I was troubled somewhere between 1st-2nd week of January. I was scared of not being in tune with God, not doing God's will for my life (I talked about it on this blog). On 16 Jan, Sun, during JYM worship I think I sensed God's peace (in a "quiet", "soft" way) along with the message that I shouldn't worry about not doing God's will. Its just a phase I have to go through. (I'm not sure if the previous sentence was made up by myself).

I hope its just a phase...

I struggle to live in victory. Why are the "wiles" of the devil always so hard against me?

I must take captive every thought (2 Corinthians 10:5) and think positive (Philippians 4:8).

Kenneth

A Close Shave!

Wow I almost thought I was going to get charged. (as in for a "Crime")
Charged for helping other sergeants' do area cleaning in their bunk without permission. Coz someone lost his $90+ jeans. And he just called me about 30mins ago and was raving mad at me. I just booked out at 4+, reached home 5+, and have to book back in by 11pm today for Guard duty tomorrow. That Sergeant (higher power than me, militarily) demanded that I go back to army camp and find his jeans by 7.30pm. He was in Smart 4 attire (greenish army uniform) and desperately looking for his civilian clothing to change to, and book out of army camp.
I didnt take his jeans...
My Sergeant Major was there this afternoon to inspect on area cleaning before we could book out and his standard is high. If we fail his expectation, we book out later. He can make us stay till at least 9pm when the original book out timing was 2pm. Many people werent at the army camp, some on course, on operation, off. So after we failed the inspection the first time I decided to look through all the bunks. I dunno why but I had the drive to. So I went it more than almost 15 bunks arranging everything nicely as they ought to be while most people were just slacking at their beds...
Its a bit weird for me to have done that, coz its like I go in a bunk and see an officer's stuff and arrange things for him. I go into my sergeant's bunk when my sergeants are inside and touch their stuff (help them arrange footwear, blanket, pillow...
While others were whining at later book out, I didnt. I didn't really feel the sianness of it.
I dont want to be proud of that. I just want to thank God he gave me the motivation to help others, the company.
So someone's jeans was missing and he blamed me for it because I couldnt name anyone else who entered the bunk.
I also thank God that I was suprisingly calm about it. Instead of getting angry with that worked up guy, I felt for him... Its like, loving your enemies can become quite easy, if you dont see them as enemies...

I almost took a Cab down to my army camp - its Maju Camp. Not only out of fear (although a sergeant wouldnt have the power to make me book in to camp like this, if I was accused for theft it may have become a big thing because there is theft constantly going on in my company and Sgt Major is treating it seriously), but also for compassion for the guy. (I hope Im not being proud of this...)
I tried calling people for help. But many people didnt pick up their phone. My handphone batt was going to go flat any moment. And then my COS called to say that the jeans had been found, hidden in someone else's bed pillow or blanket. Dont know who did it. Roughly 1-2 minutes later, my phone died. If my phone died earlier...
Isn't this like a God-thing?
First time I felt God was using me in a long time. Cool.

God is sovereign (in complete control) over everything. The good will be rewarded, the bad will be punished.

Love
Kenneth

Kenneth's 3rd week of Jan?

Hi, Kenneth here.

I have a "nights out" today so I can come out of army camp for the night. So here I am in the IRC lan shop in Beauty World writing this post. My platoon usually goes there when theres nights out to play Dota / Modern Warfare / CS. But I had this urge to blog now so here I am.

I may continue blogging form this post some time later when I have my journal to use as reference. About the details of the rather quiet but good week I had. Btw I may not be coming to church this sunday because of army.

My week has been quite good. Surprisingly good for a week in army. One of the best weeks in army I ever had in fact, come to think of it. I had nights out every day from monday to thursday (I usually get it once a week). It was a prayerful week - I prayed a lot! - and I had quite a lot of (somewhat) solitude time with God. A great time of growing spiritually, healing, training of character. I think God's peace was residing me, although I didnt at any moment feel it strongly. I was scared, 1-2 weeks back, of not being in the centre of God's will for my life (as I blogged about previously). I was scared of horrific experiences I had repeating itself. And experiences I had when I was certain that I did not have a peace or inner joy protecting me. The solution, as I see it, is to do and think what God wants me to do and think. Or to trust in God fully, that he would keep me from falling (Jude 1:24) and good will turn out of everything that is happening. In Cell Group last sunday Eunice asked what I meant or what I referred to when I said I wanted to Trust in God Fully. Its something like this. Along these lines.

Oh Im taking a break to play a dota match.

Ok Im done. Second time I used Phoenix. Quite fun.

Talking about Jealousy (as Esther did), I felt jealous today. I felt jealous of the many other boys in NS who lead a better NS life than I. My army camp, Maju Camp, was more sucky than I thought. (Its already crappy compared to other camps.) Being the first batch of soldiers in the unit serving in conventional warfare (like fighting in the jungle), we had a lot of teething problems.

I'm going to serve in Changi Airport for two weeks. My whole Chinese New Year period will be burnt. One sunday will be burnt as well. And they are unlikely to give us back extra off days like it supposed to be in normal camps. Like Im doing Guard Duty this Saturday but I dont get an Off because of it. Guard Duty in my camp is tiring. Compared to others camps. Last year December I would likely have been able to get more offs/leave if I was from a different, normal fighting fit soldier camp. I'll be going to Changi again in March. It really feels like a waste of time...

I took a course selection test recently and I just found out that I failed it. If I passed it I wouldnt have to go to Changi... I'll also be able to Stay out for a while (go home everyday instead of only weekends) and have a more relaxed and nice Re-service life.

I was a little angry about it. I felt like fighting for my rights for a while. This is unfairness... (except failing the test). But no. This is jealousy also. I became angry (to some extent) not because I know of bad things thats going to happen, but because I came to know others in NS are having it better than me. I'm treating this as a trial, a test. God's disciplining. To not care so much about myself. There are others worse off than me, and I am to love them as I love myself. So as much as I want to fight for myself (not exactly wrong), even more I should want to fight for them...

Even if we werent to talk about being too self-centered, jealousy is also bad in another way. Jealousy, like anxiety, doesnt help a situation. It just drags a person down.

I used to feel (or may still feel) jealous about other other people's confidence, intelligence, happiness, attractiveness, wealth, friends, even something like "normalness", etc. I more or less got over some of them. I'm in the midst of getting over some of them. I must look at the bigger picture and get over this NS-life jealousy as well.

Btw if you got a prayer request in this period of time, feel free to sms me about it. If you feel comfortable enough I guess.

Ok my time is up, Cya.

Give Thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His steadfast love endures forever.

:)