I have a "nights out" today so I can come out of army camp for the night. So here I am in the IRC lan shop in Beauty World writing this post. My platoon usually goes there when theres nights out to play Dota / Modern Warfare / CS. But I had this urge to blog now so here I am.
I may continue blogging form this post some time later when I have my journal to use as reference. About the details of the rather quiet but good week I had. Btw I may not be coming to church this sunday because of army.
My week has been quite good. Surprisingly good for a week in army. One of the best weeks in army I ever had in fact, come to think of it. I had nights out every day from monday to thursday (I usually get it once a week). It was a prayerful week - I prayed a lot! - and I had quite a lot of (somewhat) solitude time with God. A great time of growing spiritually, healing, training of character. I think God's peace was residing me, although I didnt at any moment feel it strongly. I was scared, 1-2 weeks back, of not being in the centre of God's will for my life (as I blogged about previously). I was scared of horrific experiences I had repeating itself. And experiences I had when I was certain that I did not have a peace or inner joy protecting me. The solution, as I see it, is to do and think what God wants me to do and think. Or to trust in God fully, that he would keep me from falling (Jude 1:24) and good will turn out of everything that is happening. In Cell Group last sunday Eunice asked what I meant or what I referred to when I said I wanted to Trust in God Fully. Its something like this. Along these lines.
Oh Im taking a break to play a dota match.
Ok Im done. Second time I used Phoenix. Quite fun.
Talking about Jealousy (as Esther did), I felt jealous today. I felt jealous of the many other boys in NS who lead a better NS life than I. My army camp, Maju Camp, was more sucky than I thought. (Its already crappy compared to other camps.) Being the first batch of soldiers in the unit serving in conventional warfare (like fighting in the jungle), we had a lot of teething problems.
I'm going to serve in Changi Airport for two weeks. My whole Chinese New Year period will be burnt. One sunday will be burnt as well. And they are unlikely to give us back extra off days like it supposed to be in normal camps. Like Im doing Guard Duty this Saturday but I dont get an Off because of it. Guard Duty in my camp is tiring. Compared to others camps. Last year December I would likely have been able to get more offs/leave if I was from a different, normal fighting fit soldier camp. I'll be going to Changi again in March. It really feels like a waste of time...
I took a course selection test recently and I just found out that I failed it. If I passed it I wouldnt have to go to Changi... I'll also be able to Stay out for a while (go home everyday instead of only weekends) and have a more relaxed and nice Re-service life.
I was a little angry about it. I felt like fighting for my rights for a while. This is unfairness... (except failing the test). But no. This is jealousy also. I became angry (to some extent) not because I know of bad things thats going to happen, but because I came to know others in NS are having it better than me. I'm treating this as a trial, a test. God's disciplining. To not care so much about myself. There are others worse off than me, and I am to love them as I love myself. So as much as I want to fight for myself (not exactly wrong), even more I should want to fight for them...
Even if we werent to talk about being too self-centered, jealousy is also bad in another way. Jealousy, like anxiety, doesnt help a situation. It just drags a person down.
I used to feel (or may still feel) jealous about other other people's confidence, intelligence, happiness, attractiveness, wealth, friends, even something like "normalness", etc. I more or less got over some of them. I'm in the midst of getting over some of them. I must look at the bigger picture and get over this NS-life jealousy as well.
Btw if you got a prayer request in this period of time, feel free to sms me about it. If you feel comfortable enough I guess.
Ok my time is up, Cya.
Give Thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His steadfast love endures forever.
:)
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